Topic-icon Dating a non-coloured

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13 years 5 months ago #46058 by LSOB
Going out with someone who's not coloured. The pro's and con's or is there any difference at all?
Does culture really play such a big part in making or breaking relationships..

Curious to know what everyone's opinion on this is....

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13 years 5 months ago #46061 by veniqe
That's a horrible word.."non coloured".. Anyways.

It's really just the culture. My boyfriend's Jewish and it's a major stumbling block for us. Him being white is fine. I like top deck!

My previous boyfriend was Congolese and his culture was completely different, too.

I've never dated a Coloured ou before. I do dream of one day finding my perfect guy who just happens to be Coloured. Cause then he'll understand why I like Mieliemeel pap, Wilsons toffee's, etc. :) And hopefully, he won't complain that I "keep myself white" as some other coloured guys do! Sorry, I went off on a small tangent.

It's easier if one dates a South African English guy/girl. They're far more open minded than the rest, I've found. Not all but I'd say 70% of them. Correct me if I'm wrong, please.

What I hate, is the white guy who heard from his nogal coloured friend, that coloured chicks are amazing! in bed... I'll sommer make you think I'm from Bonteheuwel or Manenberg! Even though I'm a fairly goody two shoes from Kuilsrivier! :)

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13 years 5 months ago #46062 by LSOB
sorry, didn't mean for it to sound horrible but i can see your point.

personally, before i had never gone out with any other guys except coloured guys. i just think that all south africans stigmatise one another. growing up there wasn't much interaction and socialising with other races. in some areas, coloureds are very much too themselves and would only blom with other coloureds.

i am now married to a white guy, not south african and there was no expectation, good or bad. he had no idea what i was about because he had never met a coloured girl before and vice versa.

taking him to S.A for the first time was funny, we'd go to all the local coloured places and back then it was still looked upon as strange, once they found out or realised that he was foreign, they were more accepting.

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13 years 5 months ago #46063 by LSOB
sorry, didn't mean for it to sound horrible but i can see your point.

personally, before i had never gone out with any other guys except coloured guys. i just think that all south africans stigmatise one another. growing up there wasn't much interaction and socialising with other races. in some areas, coloureds are very much too themselves and would only blom with other coloureds.

i am now married to a white guy, not south african and there was no expectation, good or bad. he had no idea what i was about because he had never met a coloured girl before and vice versa.

taking him to S.A for the first time was funny, we'd go to all the local coloured places and back then it was still looked upon as strange, once they found out or realised that he was foreign, they were more accepting.

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13 years 5 months ago #46152 by veniqe
I'll admit that even I sometimes give a mixed couple 'n skewe kyk... It's just human nature.

Normally, I'd wonder what she sees in the white guy (It's mostly coloured girls with old white men I see around) and/or vice versa.

My bad. :blush:

Anyways.I'm tired. Ciao<br><br>Post edited by: veniqe, at: 2007/04/11 17:05

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13 years 5 months ago #46154 by jaydee26
Culture does play a massive part in the whole relationship as it is two worlds colliding. Whether or not it works depends on the compromise solution reached and if the two parties involved are strong enough to take the stares and funny comments.

LIVE FAST, DIE YOUNG AND MAKE A GOOD LOOKING CORPSE

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13 years 5 months ago #46163 by Girl4Pmb
What i've noticed is that if you date a south african caucasian, he is not accepted that easily into the coloured community, however if you bring home a foreigner he is accepted and welcomed with open arms. I don't understand why.

For me personally, one of the major cons of interracial dating is society's disapproval. Unfortunately, there still remains a large percentage of people who are narrow minded when it comes to interracial dating.

I think the major pro is that you have a wonderful chance to build a strong relationship with a loving person and be happy the rest of your life. You get the opportunity to joyfully discover the universality of the soul as well as the flesh :blush: :blush:

I don't see difference of culture being a problem. Perhaps it's just me. However when it comes to religion....you know...must be christian

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13 years 5 months ago #46164 by Rainbow
To Venique,

What do you mean by "nogal"? as in "What I hate, is the white guy who heard from his nogal coloured friend, that coloured chicks are amazing! in bed"...

I've never heard of this expression/adjective before nor seen it in the dictionary... could you please expound further on this.

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13 years 5 months ago #46165 by Girl4Pmb
veniqe wrote:

I've never dated a Coloured ou before. I do dream of one day finding my perfect guy who just happens to be Coloured. Cause then he'll understand why I like Mieliemeel pap, Wilsons toffee's, etc. :) And hopefully, he won't complain that I "keep myself white" as some other coloured guys do! Sorry, I went off on a small tangent.


I had a good laugh at your comments, unfortunately it was at your expense.

So your dream guy is coloured, right? But then why are you dating a 'non-dream' guy?

What does it mean to 'keep myself white'?<br><br>Post edited by: Girl4Pmb, at: 2007/04/12 04:33

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13 years 5 months ago #46167 by NewYorkGirl
Ok some of the comments are really funny..lol..let me add my 2 cents now..

I grew up thinking that eventually I'd marry a coloured guy and live happily ever after..everything would be just the way it should be..but then I realised that that is'nt the way things work..You can't choose who you fall in love with,it just happens!!

I'm now involved with an Italian/American and I've never been happier..I learn something new everyday from him and vice versa..I respect him and where he comes from and he does the same with me..So I'm for falling in love and being blissfully happy regardless of race..;)<br><br>Post edited by: Newyorkgirl, at: 2007/04/12 07:04

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13 years 5 months ago #46169 by casinouva
While every1 has something to say, figured i might also add my bit.

I personally dont soo the point in not dating a non-coloured or dating one, who you end up with has nothing to do with colour, race, religion(and i know sum are gonna comment on that). But depends on how that person makes you feel and makes you happy and means something to you.

At that point ill contradict myself, reason i say that is, in all my relationships,and they quite a line, i have not gone out with someone that is not coloured. Guess there just to many of us and i like it that way.

And at the end of the day no matter how white,black ect, there is a bit of colored in all of us. Bruinou for life.......B)

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13 years 5 months ago #46173 by DHimself
I don't see anything wrong with a little jungle fever relationships up in here. Having dated outside of my race three times before, I still maintain that whomever said that there's someone out there for each one of us, nobody said that the person would be the same race...

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13 years 5 months ago #46174 by Tortured Soul
I personally thought that I would never date anyone that is not a coloured. But just as Newyorkgirl pointed out, you can't help who you fall in love with.

Too cut a long story short, I fell head over heels in love with an Egyptian guy who unfortunately was not welcomed into the bosom of my family & some of my friends.
Nevertheless we believed that as long as we had each other nothing else mattered. So the stares & the snide comments didn't matter to either of us but what eventually caused our break up was the fact that he was Muslim & me being Catholic totally refused to convert Islam as it would go against everything single thing that I believe in. I do not regret my decision but I have learnt that culture does ploay a major role in any relationship as we are all products of the way we were brought up and what we have learnt on life's journey.

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13 years 5 months ago #46178 by LSOB
Tortured Soul wrote:

that culture does ploay a major role in any relationship as we are all products of the way we were brought up and what we have learnt on life's journey.


that is probably the most honest answer yet. i would like to believe that when we fall in love that firwork go off, soft violins play in the back round and the world is happy for you but in my experience, that only happens in the movies. there are some people out there that have these fairytale romances but in reality, it takes more than passionate love to make a relationship work.

i think that dating someone outside your race completely depends on where you live. for instance. if you are a coloured living in england and dating a white guy. people wouldn't give it a second thought because it more acceptable there. south africa still has a long way to go for that mentality to completely disappear, unfortunately i think that generally every south african, regardless of colour still has that.

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13 years 5 months ago #46179 by blueeyedgirl
what i am yet to understand in todays society especially south african society, is why there is such a hang up on race?? i mean really...we all human we just shaded differntly. When living in in London that was the one thing I loved, no one cared who you dated, you wouldnt even get the stares!! *shock horror* what a change and breath of fresh air! When are South Africans gonna stop being so race orientated??

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13 years 5 months ago #46184 by lonelypixel
blueeyedgirl wrote:

what i am yet to understand in todays society especially south african society, is why there is such a hang up on race?? i mean really...we all human we just shaded differntly. When living in in London that was the one thing I loved, no one cared who you dated, you wouldnt even get the stares!! *shock horror* what a change and breath of fresh air! When are South Africans gonna stop being so race orientated??


Well said Blue... ;) I concur... 200% B)

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13 years 5 months ago #46185 by LSOB
it is difficult to erase almost a half a century of what we were. this is how south africans lived and got by. it might have been a case of each to his own. i think eventually it will get better. it already is. i remember when i first brought my then boyfriend who happend to be white, for a visit to south africa in 1999. we walked into a small pub somewhere in florida. we had been together for more than a year by then but outside south africa, nobody ever questioned us. Anyway,we stood at the bar in this predominantly white bar and they refused to serve us. i couldn't believe it. it was so blatent and so obvious that i didnt even have to say anything to him, he figured it out on his own. He was Fuming... but... we ended up walking out.

i go back to S.A every year and stay for about two months. there hasn't been an incident in the past few years. it is changing but it will take time.

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13 years 5 months ago #46186 by bhekza
Dating outside your race only becomes a problem when you forget to respect the other party involved or vise verse. And what ever people may think or say just know you with the one you love

In most cases culture plays a very big role especially with black you have to be aware of our culture and we will do the same. This does not mean we are stubborn however it just means if you accommodate us we will do the SAME

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13 years 5 months ago #46188 by veniqe
Rainbow wrote:

To Venique,

What do you mean by "nogal"? as in "What I hate, is the white guy who heard from his nogal coloured friend, that coloured chicks are amazing! in bed"...

I've never heard of this expression/adjective before nor seen it in the dictionary... could you please expound further on this.


First off, it's veniqe, not venique. Secondly, sorry for offending your sensitive grammarry glands. ;)

Girl4Pmb wrote:

I had a good laugh at your comments, unfortunately it was at your expense.

So your dream guy is coloured, right? But then why are you dating a 'non-dream' guy?

What does it mean to 'keep myself white'?


I'm glad I brought some Joy into your life...

Coloured people have this misconception that whenever you date someone who isn't Coloured, you are trying to be white. "You're keeping yourself white" is what I was told once by an old lady when she saw me walking down the road with my boyfriend!

I have every right to date whoever I choose to. Right? It would be great if I can find a Coloured guy to date; however, the ones I meet only want to date white girls. Catch - 22 situation?

Oy vey.

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13 years 5 months ago #46329 by DivX_Freek
Ok. I have to say my curiousity is what drove me to try date as many across the racial and border lines as i could. Culture, religion, backgrounds do come into play whether you like it or not. Whether it be personal or pure pressure by parents. You know how "spiritual" parents are. If you catholic, you stay catholic. Converting to islam or any other forms of religion is basically like you stabbing them in the heart!!

Love? does control your actions and remorse or cognitive desonance your reactions!!

After dating across religions i found that if you not catholic/christian/anglican whatever, you will not change to it. Islam is a powerful religion to those who follow it, and i have yet to find a person who has converted from islam to anything else purely based on love.

Tamils, DANG BEAUTIFUL.. but eish.. yah.

Had many white girlfriends too but it was i guess coincidence for stayin in a white area. The ma's were not to worse gettin along with, it was the fathers man.. they hated my guts. Most of them. Some were very understanding and i could see quite liberated!

Had a black female too, i aint gonna lie! Just couldnt get used to certain issues on practices and beliefs and food man..

Now overseas was a diff story.. Im with you about UK blue.. but you were still typecasted as a "half-caste" in certain areas. Ireland was even worse. Funny thing is though, you somehow always ended meeting up with a SA chick! ;)

Swedish stekkies, love men of color, TO insecure!

Italians females - dont really enjoy cleanliness as much as I do!

Holland, DAAYYUUMM!! To cut a long story short.. Belgium, Germany, Switzerland, Europe is a man of colors HAVEN!!

Australia and the States.. man its like 60's free love all over the D@MN place!!

All in all.. after all that.. I found I am most comfortable with a coloured female.

She is my appletiser in my jack daniels
She is my potato salad for my breyani
She is my sunday roast
She is my club hoppin rumpshaking siamese twin
She is my nubian queen
She is my Eve

We are on common ground, and the most important factor in a relationship is communication. If you can sit and have a good intelligent conversation, you off to a good start.

For me, its really not about race or religion.. its about who I can feel comfortable with in my own skin, you dig!!? For me, its our coloured women that epitomise beauty in every sense. Man.. there aint no other more visually and mentally stimulating!!

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