Tuesday, 03 October 2017 02:04

Metrorail Diaries - Watch Your Step Featured

Written by Theo Jonker
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People are hanging out of the moving train as it enters the station.
It’s mind-boggling to think that this scary sight is common-practise.

Some wanna-be ‘stuntmen’ literally hit the ground running as it slows down and is about to come to a stop.
Commuters waiting on the station have to take evasive action to avoid colliding with these almost out of control ‘stuntmen’.


Fortunately nothing serious happens... but we virtually have to force our way into a crowded carriage; into a space which leaves very little room to manoeuvre.
"Ouch" a lady shouts in agony as a size thirteen safety boot tries to crush her fragile size five foot.
“Jirre, djy kan mos voel djy trap op iets” she complains.
“Sorry babe. Ek voel ma' die mense stoot my van balance af.” he retorts, a bit embarrassed.
“Djy lykie sorry nie. Daai boot het sieke ’n imprint op my cutex gelos” she retaliates cheekily.”
“...en daai cutex is nog nat; biesag om te cure” her lady friend next to her chirps, adding insult to injury.
“Staan bietjie soentoe voo' djy op my anne voet oek trap mister” she complains.



“Waa’ moet ek gaan? Ôs is soes sardines in n blik gedruk hie. Ek kan net my oë draai” the guy explains, but she would have none of it.
“Draai dan jou oë weg van my cleavage af. Issie genoeg my cutex het jou boots se pattern oppie” she says with a slight naughty grin in her eyes.
He detects it and responds in a flash: “Jarre girl, van wa ek staan is daai mos ’n view om te behold. Ek gaan heeldag in ystes en vlamme vaskyk. Grant a guy a bit of eye-candy om te sê. Don't be so”.
“Oe jirre, hy gat jou annie brand wil stiek Sandy” her lady friend interjects.
“You think so? Dink djy hy hêrrit by hom?” Sandy asks her friend, sizing up the guy, looking at him from the bottom up, then at her friend.



“Sien djy wat ek sien” the friend quips at the guy who looks like he could almost be blushing but he manages to hold his ground.
“Fireworks like New Year’s Eve, I promise” he whispers softly to them.
Commuters around smile and giggle softly at the unfolding drama but the three "actors" are unperturbed.



“Huh” the two ladies sigh with their mouths open whilst looking at each other.
“Die man is dangerous Sandy. Hy wêk met blow torches en cutting torches. Djy gat smelt” the friend utters while looking at him.
“Hoe wiet djy die dinge Pat?” Sandy asks with surprise in her voice.
“Sy sweater het ’n naam van n welding plek op. Die is n gevaalike man Sandy” she explains with a serious and urgent tone.  
“Ek issie bangie” Sandy replies abruptly with an ‘I-dare-you’ look in her eyes.
He looks at her. Their eyes meet for a few seconds and their brief gaze is followed by a smile.
 


Awkwardly, because of the limited space, his hand just about manages to disappear into his trouser pocket and his wallet appears whilst the two ladies’ eyes are following his every move.
“I'm Barry. This is my number” he says while handing her a card.
“I've got to go but you're welcome to give me call. Laat ek net jou cutex ytsort vi jou Sandy. It’s a pleasure to have met you ladies. Enjoy the day” and he makes his way to the door as we stop at Maitland station.
 


Sandy looks at the card flips it around; looks at her friend and says: “I'm gonna give this guy a call but first I’m gonna check with Facebook for any jealous lovers. Yes, I'm gonna do that”.
“Oe jinne... Hie kom ’n ding. Ek het niks gesiennie”, Pat replies while looking out the window.
“Can I let you in on a little secret my friend?” Sandy asks Pat.
Pat's eyes light up. “Yes; be my guest” she answers with a curious expression.
“I’ve had my eyes on that guy for a while now; het gewonne wanne gat hy ‘n move maak.”
 

The train slows done as we enter Salt River station.
I have a pleasant excuse for being late today.
Rattlesnake Rachel is going to enjoy this.
 

Urban Dictionary

jirre                      The Afrikaaps version of “here” which is the
                            Afrikaans word for “lord”.

lykie                    The Afrikaaps version of “lyk nie” which is Afrikaans for
                          “not looking like” or “does not look like”.

sieke                   The Afrikaaps version of “seker” which is the
                            Afrikaans word for “sure” but also as in this case can
                            mean “possibly” or “probably”.

cutex                   The colloquial generic name for nail polish derived from
                           a popular brand.

biesag                 The Afrikaaps version of “besig” which is the
                           Afrikaans word for “besig”.

bietjie                  The Afrikaans word for “a little bit” or “small amount”.

soentoe               The Afrikaaps version of “soontoe” which is Afrikaans
                            for “(towards) that way” or “over there”.

anne                    The Afrikaaps version of “ander” which is the
                            Afrikaans word for “other”.

jarre                     An Afrikaaps expression similar to “gee-whiz”.

ystes                   The Afrikaaps version of “ysters” which is Afrikaans for
                          “irons” or “metals”.

vaskyk                The Afrikaans word meaning “stare into”.

annie                  The Afrikaaps version of “aan die” which Afrikaans translates to “on the”.

herrit                  The Afrikaaps version of “het dit” which Afrikaans for “have it”.

wêk                    The Afrikaaps version of “werk” which is Afrikaans for
                         “work” or as in this case “job”.

gevaalik              The Afrikaaps version of “gevaarlik” which is Afrikaans
                          for “dangerous”.

bangie                The Afrikaaps version of “band nie” which Afrikaans for “not afraid”

ytsort                 The Afrikaaps version of “uitsorteer” which is Afrikaans for ”sort out”.

“Jirre, djy kan mos voel djy trap op iets.”
“Lord, you can after all feel you are stepping on something.”

“Ek voel ma' die mense stoot my van balance af.”
“I feel but the people are pushing me off balance.”

“Djy lykie sorry nie. Daai boot het sieke ’n imprint op my cutex gelos.” “You do not look sorry. That boot has probably left an imprint on my nail polish.”

“...en daai cutex is nog nat; biesag om te cure.
“...and that cutex is still wet; busy curing”

“Staan bietjie soentoe voo' djy op my anne voet oek trap mister” she complains.”
“Stand a little bit over towards there before you step on my other foot as well mister.”

“Oe jirre, hy gat jou annie brand wil stiek Sandy.”
“Oh lord, he is going to want to set you in fire Sandy.”

“Oe jinne... Hie kom ’n ding. Ek het niks gesiennie.”
“Oh my... Here’s something coming. I did not see anything..”

 

Metrorail Diaries has finally returned to Bruinou.com with the kind permission of Theo Jonker & FunDza who are now the official publishers of Theo Jonker's series of short stories (Edited by Ryan Swano) which now bear the title Metrorail Mondays on FunDza.

 
Click Here to visit FunDza for more stories by various South African authors.


FunDza?

Take ‘Funda’ the isiXhosa word for ‘to read’ or ‘to learn’.
Add a ‘Z’ for our beautiful country: Za
And you get – FUN, READING and SOUTH AFRICA – FUNDZA!

That’s what FunDza is all about: getting teens and young adult South Africans reading for pleasure – and loving it!

Read 1729 times Last modified on Tuesday, 03 October 2017 02:28

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